“I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.”~William Butler Yeats
I used to have wonderful vivid dreams; The flip side were the night terrors; The not so beautiful nightmares. Often my dreams seemed to be ‘gifted’ or ‘premonitory’ or even termed ‘precautionary’. I had my first major depression in my late twenties. It was during my second pregnancy. It was the darkest time I had ever known. The dreams strengthened over time. They became so pervasive, I developed chronic insomnia; This, because I did not want to dream anymore about sadness, tragedy and trauma. I wanted to dream again of wonder, beautiful moments and look forward to the future.
I was prescribed Ambien in 2004. I could sleep, and the night terrors stopped. There were no more nightmares; There were no dreams at all; I quickly learned that Ambien does not let you dream. At the time, it was a relief, because of family tragedies, my dreams had become nightmares. What a surprise it is that recently I’ve been dreaming despite the medication. How amazing that the subconscious will provide for what it needs most desperately. True that!
This year, I stopped taking ‘ambien’ … and dreaming has returned; Yet thankfully, now my dreams are not filled with tragedy, desperation and darkness. My dreams are once again, gifted and beautiful .. still vivid with color, action; They can still be intense. They’re not so dark anymore.
Here, then is my dreams journal. It is a small sense of my quieted self, speaking to my not so quiet, wakeful self. The most recent dreams will be right below, and wind backward. the further you read. The further you read, the more you walk into the time-line.
Notes From My Ambient Underground 
An update: I find it beautiful the way that dreams affect our life in subtle and not so subtle ways. They may sometimes seem prophetic, but they weave their way through our waking lives in ways we may never realize until we take a glimpse in our rear view mirror.
Almost a week ago I was working at my fathers home. I became so focused that before I realized it, I had sliced my thumb deeply. Strangely I did not panic. I calmly reached over into the medicine cabinet and wrapped my wound, got into my SUV and drove to the urgent NextCare to get stitched up. Walking across the parking lot, I looked down to realize I was wearing the exact shoes aI had been wearing in my dream. I have not worn those shoes in about 8 years! As I walked through the glass doors I knew I would be okay. The doctor was astonished when there was no flinching, no pain, no worrying & my blood pressure showed no sign of anxiety or stress.
Everything’s going to be okay.